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Saturday, December 13, 2014

You're Not Crazy, It's There

In spite of the vast effort it takes to stay on the good side of the toxic person or system, sometimes your intellect is still able to break through the stress and to see things for how they really are. The abusive person/system does not acknowledge the skewed or false information. Instead, you are called crazy, sensitive, or a liar.
You are being gaslighted.

The lies are truly there.
The gaslighting is happening.
Things are not as they seem.
You are definitely correct about what you sense. 
Your eyes and ears and mind still function to capacity.
Your memories are accurate.

It's your survival instinct that might make it difficult to see most of the time, living within a panic attack. Your survival instinct wants to avoid drama or pain or violence.  

I remember experiencing this daily where he completely denied the reality of our shared history while I felt crazier and crazier. He looked so calm and in control. He seemed to know more than me. His quiet certainty was convincing. His unyielding denial nearly convinced me.

When I finally started calling him on it he went through several stages.
First he continued to deny it.
Then he started with elevated anger towards me.
Soon came the seething, silent angry silence towards me.
Then came the smear campaign against me.

It is so interesting how much it started making him look like the crazy one when I stopped accepting the crazy label for myself.

Took a long time, the relationship never ever got better, and still so worth it.

* I have read several different definitions or explanations of gaslighting.
  I tend to keep it simple. I think of gaslighting as Changing reality to confuse you.

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