I hated the 80s.
I really did, still do. It wasn't just the supremely bad make up, jewelry, and fashion. No, things were so bad for me. I was in such a confused place in those days. It was so bad, actually, that I barely remember long stretches of time.
I did no drugs, so that wasn't it. I did drink alot, mostly to escape. But even that wasn't why I was in such a mess. I was recovering from an extremely destructive set of life choices...all at the tail end of very damaging teen years that left me utterly destroyed and alone.
I barely remember the music, the popular tv shows, movies from that time, general popular culture...
Somehow I emerged through that dark time with the help of excellent therapy, excellent friendships, and truly tons of introspective journaling. A few people have asked me the steps I took but I truly don't know. I was flying by the seat of my pants for years. I only realized that I had made it to the other side of it when one day I was reading a certain type of recovery book. On one of the pages was a simplified diagram of recovery. I remember sitting and looking at that diagram of internal core beliefs in the various states of recovery and realizing that I had come so far, I was at the far right on the diagram! I began to see the light.
I began to recognize my own personal power. I began to recognized how I had changed my own life. I finally saw that I had taken charge of my life; I had stopped letting life happen to me. I finally understood the meaning of the words integrity, authenticity, and honesty. Once I made these words my strictest guides...well that changed everything.