Do you feel like you are a shell of a human being? Like there's nothing inside left inside anymore? Like you've been sucked dry of everything that made you YOU? Do you feel like you don't know who you are, even that you don't care anymore? Do you feel like a shadow?
What if I told you that depression is normal when a person has been held down for so long? Our emotions can only feel the pain for so long before they just begin to shut down, go numb. The numbness is a self-preservation mode. It's what happens when we've felt so much for so long.
YOU are still there. YOU can be resuscitated. YOU are worth it and YOU deserve it. YOU can make this happen.
If you are looking for a good place to start, begin by knowing that you are. Know that you have the power to return to yourself.
I don't generally offer books or other websites, though there are many, many good ones. But here I'm going to offer you several books and several websites that can help. For the most part I have read the books and all links to books are at amazon.com. But I have probably not done much vetting of the websites, so use those as your discretion.
- Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People
- When Love Is a Lie: Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda
- Stop Spinning, Start Breathing: A Codependency Workbook for Narcissist Abuse Recovery
- Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
- I am Free: Healing Stories about Surviving Toxic Relationships with Narcissists and Sociopaths
If you know of other resources,
PLEASE link them in the comment section.
This many years later, I've had excellent therapy, I've read books, I've discussed my experiences and my needs, I've gone No Contact (NC), and I've spent time working on myself rather than wasting time trying to figure them out or trying to get their apologies or expecting any change or improvement in or from them whatsoever.
As long as you focus your hope, attention, heart on the toxic one you can't focus on healing and caring for yourself.
One day, one fine day, you will feel again.
You will feel connected to yourself. You will feel hopeful.
You are not a shell, you have been abused.
Do everything you can to focus your efforts on positive self care.
Soon you will be feeling the warmth of the sun again.
Bask in it and feel alive!