When I was a kid, actually even into my twenties, whenever I would begin speaking in my dad's house someone would interrupt me with a sharp STOP MUMBLING! I would begin speaking again and, again, my words would be interrupted with a curt shout of SPEAK UP!
Imagine my heart beating, my vision begin to shrink, the panic begin again any time I had something to say.
Fast forward a couple of decades, many life experiences later, lots of distance from my toxic ones, over a decade of good therapy and great reading, making the difficult decision to choose myself, tons of introspection and conversation, friendships with remarkable women, and several advanced degrees and I do feel as though what I have to say has meaning. Because of the many experiences that I gave myself, that I used to grow myself, I realized that what I think and feel has value. I also realized that I have a voice. That's right, I have a voice and I will use it.
I deserve to be heard and not because of my credentials.
It's because I am a human being...and so are you.
You deserve to be heard.
You deserve to be seen.
Because you matter.
I can promised you that the toxic people in your life will never have the ability to show you your value nor will they support the things you do to strengthen yourself; you will likely have to discover that away from them. On your own, in the world, struggling to find your own voice, making choices for yourself. Even thought that last sentence might sounds terrifying, the very day that you finally find your voice you will look at those alone days as empowering and necessary because, slowly, over time you will discover something growing deep within you...that something will be YOU.
Does any of this relate to you?
I promise, if you find yourself wondering Do I deserve better? ...You do.
Over the years I have learned that listening to someone speak is loving them. Yes, it is as simple as that. When someone listens to you, gives you their time and attention they are displaying love to you. Agreeing is unnecessary...but nice.
I don't mumble anymore.
I changed my life by taking the difficult paths and by choose myself every single time I needed to. You can do it.