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Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Reclaim Yourself

The very moment you were treated as a pawn rather than as a vulnerable and confused child you were being used by someone for their own reasons. Think of the child in the middle of a hideous trench warfare of divorce. One parent trying to hurt the other. One parent seeking to injure the others through the kids.

YES, it will hurt your spouse when you get the children to lie about them. 

YES, it will hurt your spouse to have the kids deny them. 
YES, it will hurt your spouse to display your ongoing control.
YES, it will hurt your spouse to show them what they are leaving.
YES, it will hurt your spouse to have the kids accept a new parent.
YES, it will hurt your spouse to have the kids act hateful toward their parent.

But more, it will hurt the children.

As a woman in her fifties who was brainwashed for so many years, I can promise you, dear Children of Alienating Parents:

  • You are not to blame.
  • You deserve comfort.
  • You are allowed to love anyone you love.
  • You don't owe it to anyone else to feel their feelings for them.
  • You can't betray one parent by loving the other as well.
  • It is not your place to replace an absent parent.
  • It is not your place to comfort your parent.
  • You can trust your senses, even when you cannot trust stories told to you.
  • People who call you or your loved ones names are exhibiting their own immaturity, not speaking the truth.
  • The behavior of your parent or parents does not define you.
  • You are entitled to have a relationship with any parent, sibling, or other important family/friend that you need.
  • Trust yourself.
  • This list is not exhaustive: Write your own!

These games played with Little You, Little Innocent and Well-Meaning you are still in your mind and your heart.

But you deserve to let those games go!
You deserve to let go of the games and the pain!
Do everything it takes to move forward because these toxic people and their manipulations, lies, and games have inhabited enough of your life. They have controlled you long enough.

Begin today. Reclaim yourself.


Stand taller.
Refuse the stories.

See a therapist.
Speak the truth.
Stand taller still.
Speak up.
Own your own experiences.
Value every facet of yourself.
Acknowledge every truth.
Say that which is unsaid.
Know your truth.
Know your truth is valid.
Know that you deserve this.
Refuse to deny.
Stay safe.
And stand taller still.

It is a process and you deserve to take that first step.
Seek peace.

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