Seems kind of logical, doesn't it?
But in some groups, families, or relationships, a great deal of communication goes on behind the scenes by a very manipulative person: a triangulator.
The triangulator may set up scenarios where one person is talking to a third person (or a fourth or fifth person) in order to get that person to join the side of the first person...ugh; or where one person is relaying information back and forth between two people in conflict, people who haven't spoken to one another at all, adding their own opinions and slants to the stories; when one person tells a second person that a third person says this about them, thereby provoking anger and dissent between the two; scenarios like where a dominant person slanders or devalues loved ones to a subordinate so that the subordinate becomes more dependent on the dominant person for information, friendship, comradeship. Triangulation.
But WHY would someone engage in this exhausting and chaotic activity? What sort of gratification can a toxic person possibly obtain through triangulation?
It is all about control.
The toxic triangulator gains allies against you, putting you in the subordinate position. They are extremely deliberate in their approach; they are good at it. You become enmeshed in a never-ending chaos of their creation. You feel as though you cannot get your life back.
What to do?
But be hopeful because there are specific and doable ways to prevent yourself from getting into situations this dire and chaotic. Maintaining control of your life, not letting go of control, maintaining healthy boundaries, are absolutely essential keys to prevent toxic people from getting control of your life, to avoid toxic relationships, and to create a life where healthy relationships can happen.
I remember a friend years ago telling her therapist I let people in too soon and I reveal myself too early and they hurt me.
The therapist replied Well, don't do that.