You've Got This You've Got This You've Got This

It's one of those times when it is not so obvious how to live my own life. I'm smack dab in the center of a family situation that is difficult and impossible to simplify. Because I am helping a family member with a medical crisis I have reengaged with family members that I have been estranged from for years.  I have reengaged online so that I can keep everyone informed about the medical crisis of a sibling.

Anyway, I'm sure you know where I am going with this.
I am, again, swimming in toxicity.  

I'm very selective with whom I share myself. I choose to share my authenticity, my energy, my time, my passions, and my attention only to people who are sincere, trustworthy, in earnest, and genuine. Yet here I am in constant contact with toxic people and I am hearing family toxic stories, claims, and criticism of me that I have stayed away from for these many years.

Furthermore I'm far away from the incredible support of my husband, children, and friends. It is really getting to me. When I flew home for a short visit I found myself awake all night, toxic words in my head, feeling incredibly poisoned, and completely unable to stop the crap and go to sleep.

My husband woke up, held me, stroked my hair, whispered in my ear, gave me the beauty of love and kindness and, finally, I fell asleep. The next morning I remembered, I have been here before. I have the strength to find my personal piece of mind. I have healthy resources. I know for certain that I can find my way through this because I have done it before.

I trust my own growth. And besides, I deserved that good cry.