I need answers. I need to understand. narcissist, recovery from emotional abuse
You wanted them to be someone else, the person that they presented themselves as. They came to you looking handsome and charismatic and charming and perfect. They saw someone who was open to love, kindness, and connection. They conquered.
You did nothing wrong in being open to someone. They took advantage of your gentleness, your loving heart, your optimism. Perhaps they had an abusive childhood; perhaps they didn't get love in a healthy manner; perhaps their toxicity was come by honestly. Still, you cannot fix it.
You know all of the relationships that the toxic one had before you? Relationships with people that they now characterize as crazy? Those people believed in them too at one point. Those so-called crazy people escaped them. They are now recovering from the toxic one. Those people are still spitting out the water from the last time the toxic one let them drown. Those people have had no closure either.
Why do they have no closure? Because there is truly no closure with someone toxic.
In order to escape you must see it for what it is, not for what you wish it to be. Know that there is no explanation, no understanding, no satisfying conclusion, and no forgiveness as an ending to this relationship.
You must accept it for what it is, lift yourself up, and move on to the life you deserve, to the life that you are missing out on every single moment that you stay.
There is no closure.
Don't call. Don't visit. Don't seek contact of any kind.
But there is a place of no contact. There is healing.
There is fresh air and sunshine. There is peace. There is you.
You did nothing wrong in being open to someone. They took advantage of your gentleness, your loving heart, your optimism. Perhaps they had an abusive childhood; perhaps they didn't get love in a healthy manner; perhaps their toxicity was come by honestly. Still, you cannot fix it.
You know all of the relationships that the toxic one had before you? Relationships with people that they now characterize as crazy? Those people believed in them too at one point. Those so-called crazy people escaped them. They are now recovering from the toxic one. Those people are still spitting out the water from the last time the toxic one let them drown. Those people have had no closure either.
Why do they have no closure? Because there is truly no closure with someone toxic.
In order to escape you must see it for what it is, not for what you wish it to be. Know that there is no explanation, no understanding, no satisfying conclusion, and no forgiveness as an ending to this relationship.
You must accept it for what it is, lift yourself up, and move on to the life you deserve, to the life that you are missing out on every single moment that you stay.
There is no closure.
Don't call. Don't visit. Don't seek contact of any kind.
But there is a place of no contact. There is healing.
There is fresh air and sunshine. There is peace. There is you.
thank you so much for writing this, It is exactly what I needed to read. I keep trying to heal but it is still so hard to recover. I want to understand, I want answers. I want to call him out on every single lie that he told me. I am still so angry but yet I miss him. It is a constant struggle. It has been 6 months since I left him for good and I have a no contact policy. It is very hard because I am moving to NYC this Saturday which is very exciting but I want to call and tell him goodbye. But I just can't. Thank you for reminding me that I can't and no should I. Let it Go.
ReplyDeleteI was also a victim of a toxic person whom i am thankful that i have come to term with the realization that it is best for me to let this person go and no contact is the best way. I gave this person 5 years and I got nothing but one lie after another I was just fooling myself thinking that he would change. It was a way of life for him using and manipulating and he was this person before I met him . I am thankful i have seen the light and moved on but I feel sorry for the next victim.
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